By. Marian Yesufu
"Marian Yesufu, I now crown you THE REBOUND QUEEN."
I think if I am honest with myself I would say the red flags were there from the beginning. But as human beings we can't help but be curious. I am a classic case of a rebound. This man just got out of a marriage. The wound was raw. He wore it on his face. But I could see through the pain. I saw the 5 year later version of him. Big mistake.
My inner voice now:
Bisssssh. That's when you shoulda stopped and sang "hit the road jack and don't you come back no more."
Did I listen to my intuition? Hell to the naw naw. I overcompensated for him and became Captain-save-a-ho.
When I really shoulda been saving myself. Saving myself from what would eventually be a 10 year stint at being his Rebound Queen.
Now for all you ladies out there, I share my shameful experience so you do better and know better. Because 10 years later, my response to him is, "you wasted my time." And his response back is, "nobody forced you to stay." Ladies I am here to say that the fucker is completely correct.
For my 10 years of Rebound Queen Servitude what did I get in return? The only things I asked for. So I pray that you here me when I say write that motherfuckin contract and have him sign. In exchange for wasting my time you will do xyz. What Eva the fuck it is for you. Because dick or Seudo dick, he will come through because most men like keeping there word.
I guess that's my little light at the end of the tunnel. There is a reason for prenups, post nups, NDA'S and contracts. Get comfortable with that shit. The worst case scenario, you fuck around and find true love. But if it's not the case, you fuck around and have your minimum best case scenario met.
Things to look out for early in the relationship
The Love Bombing
Are they laying it on so thick and your instinct is like I don't deserve this? Then be cautious and or run.
Any sign of stocker behavior and all the rest in your honey moon stage, run.
We moved in together
Does it feel like year 40 and it's only year 2? Run.
We had a kid
My only ask was if you waste my time there better be a baby at the end of it all. Made that happen. But that experience was one of the loneliest and continues to be loneliest experience of my life. I don't regret it but if I had more confidence in myself I would have left early and chose to find myself. Ladies, we have ticking clocks, but there are so many ways to have children now.
-Save your eggs
-Do what I did and scare the shit out of him
"If you waste my time and there is no baby, I will dance on your balls with heals on"
-Wait to do it naturally
*I think most importantly do what's right for you. I am glad that back then, I at least drew that line in the sand.
When there done with you, it's because they've been prepping your replacement. This man was a chronic cheater. And when you have a cheater, you have to protect yourself.
Am I bitter and shutoff? Yes. Will I try love again? Probably. Will I heal first? Yes. Will I get hurt again? Probably if I can't heed my own advice. Comment below if you have better advice.
Be careful out there Ladies. It's Fugly out in these dating streets.