Y’all’s dicks are gonna get us owned by Russia.

Written by Marian Yesufu👄 aka naughty Marian

Y’all’s dicks are gonna get us annexed.

That is the whole TED Talk.

By China.

By Russia.

Spin the globe. Surprise. We lost.

So welcome to the United States of Prussia.

Same flag. New daddy.

Powered by vibes and erections.

It started as a joke.

A dumb rap.

An improv bit.

Oogly googly. Everybody laughing because comedy is cheaper than reparations.

Y’all’s dicks are gonna get us owned by Russia.

Ha ha.

So silly.

So funny.

Except why does it keep being true.

Film school.

Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Accent thick enough to shut down critical thinking.

Suddenly every man forgets plot, politics, and his own bloodline.

The very look you told me to worship.

The look that runs movies, television, magazines.

Freedom but make it foreign.

That look has your dick doing foreign policy.

Next thing you know the country is on Facebook Marketplace.

Lightly used democracy.

No lowballs. I know what I have.

My country ’tis of thee sweet land of libido.

I thought tyranny wore boots.

Turns out it wears cheekbones.

Now we adjusting to the new regime.

Learning the anthem.

Practicing the accent.

Pretending this was the plan the whole time.

So what do I say to the next generation.

We tried.

We warned you.

We yelled Cold War like it was a jump scare.

But their pussies were already aligned with Russian dicks.

And our dumb American dicks said relax she is just mysterious.

Did not see it coming.

Or absolutely did.

They just did not care.

Because nothing collapses an empire faster

than a hard on with amnesia.

“Y’all’s dicks are gonna get us owned by Russia”

That’s it

Good night